Friday, 22 April 2011

Every little helps

There was a big old riot in Bristol last night, resulting in the smashing up of a Tesco. I hold no particular brief for Tesco Express, but I'm the last person to complain when I need late night milk.

There's not a lot in the news yet, but it seems that a bunch of superannuated studenty greebos concerned activist citizens, squatting in a violently-painted building with the filthy name "Telepathic Heights" (ugh), were to be evicted after a long-running court battle. And there were rumours they were preparing to firebomb a new Tesco opposite their house too. So the police stepped in. And because the entire country is aflame and it's like Paris '68 and we're all rushing to man the barricades, it turned into a riot. And Tescos was smashed up. Cue breathy reportage from the streets.

Of course the civil disorder was the fault of the police. Who were - AS BLOODY USUAL - disproportionate in their response (although of course anything other than standing by whilst legal enterprises are demolished counts as disproportionate). The police are always disproportionate. Funnily enough, they're especially disproportionate in self-styled "cultural quarters". Stokes Croft in Bristol is a cultural quarter. I'm guessing - in my terribly blinkered and close-minded way - this means there are a handful of white rastas juggling in the street whilst a couple of downtrodden Laurie Penny public school girls weave daisies into their pubes. I hate cultural quarters. It makes me want to go to Tesco Express in Stokes Croft and purchase every single item made by Nestle, every single bag of non-Fairtrade coffee, every Israeli avocado and then smear them all over myself outside Telepathic Heights whilst screaming and wiping my bum with £5 notes. One git said "the message [of Telepathic Heights] is one of freedom, not just getting stuck in the system or having a 9-5pm job". Yeah well I'd like to live like you too, shit head. I'd like to sit around playing a tin whistle and eating lentils, but - you know what - I don't want to die on the street at 35. Shove that up your system.

But meanwhile Bristol is still drowning in Tescos, probably. So here's a tip for the illegal residents of Telepathic Heights. Although - given they're so telepathic - they'll probably already know it. If you don't want to feed the beast, don't buy your groceries there. It's Tele-pathetically simple.

If Tesco cause local shops to shut down - which they probably do - and you have a problem with it; if people are so angry about local mom & pop stores closing, don't shop at Tesco.

Then it will shut down itself and all the falafel shops and vegan superstores can move back in. It's a very simple bit of economic theory. Build it, and they won't come, because they're too busy shopping for hemp seeds next door. Campaigners have stated that 90% of the local population didn't want the shop to be built and actively fought the council. OK, well talk to the council about that - whilst not shopping there. Sadly, a spokesperson for Tesco said 3,000 shoppers have been through the doors in the week since the shop opened. Using the protestors' figures, that can only be the 10% of the population who didn't boycott the new shop. That would make the population of Stokes Croft 30,000. Really? What is certainly true is that well over 90% of the local population will be against senseless acts of violence against property.

I buy my fruit and veg from the market stall in Balham, when I can - but it's not always convenient, and I'll happily pay a premium for convenience generally - because I have a job (and it doesn't involve teaching performance art or poi). Small, well-run local shops, if they successfully meet a need, will thrive. Chadwicks here in Balham seems to do alright. But why do you think that Tesco head office have decided to plonk down a shop in this precise location? It's because they think there's a local demand for ready meals and emergency toilet paper. There may well be five other branches within spitting distance, but why would you doubt that one of the UK's most sucessful corporates wouldn't undertake some pretty complicated modelling before investing its cash on yet another branch. Here's an insight for you - Tesco don't want the branches to have to compete with each other, they want all of them to make enormous profits. They know there's a need, so get over it and go buy yourselves some Rizlas and Pringles.

And guess what. Plenty of people who walk past your hideously garish squat every day would probably be grateful for a McTesco-job. They're the people who didn't get to go to university, unlike you and Leaf and Tigerlily. It may well not be the greatest employment in the world, but you get a uniform, a staff discount and a salary - and there are 3 million people out there who haven't got that at the moment. What kind of muddle-headed bullshit makes these self-professed anarchists think smashing up a provider of local employment - because they don't like it - is acceptable? Can we really retrain all the checkout staff to make organic soy lattes?

44 comments:

  1. Another piece of 'economic theory' is that an MNC such as Tesco does not operate each shop on the basis of its own turnover- a local store can be subsidised by an out of town store, and so on. This means that when Tesco is determined to open a store, it will weather the storm of a boycott far longer than any independent store affected by your 'economic theory'.

    The result is an area where polls suggest that 93% of resident don't want the Tesco nevertheless gets landed with one, as part of a prelude to the kind of gentrification that some parties within the council hope will subsequently take place in the area. Whilst it makes little money, it can still happily stay in business.

    As for the rest of your diatribe, you clearly weren't there last night (I was), don't know the area (I do) and confuse the 'soy latte' culture of people who, like you, are not involved in the type of grass roots indigenous culture that makes Stokes Croft unique and interesting. This will be lost with you, but worth mentioning anyway.

    One thing that you are clearly not aware of is the objections of council people themselves to the store, which has been controversial in the city council, not just in the local area. This contributed to the store not being granted an alcohol license.

    Finally, as regards the 3000 shoppers: if you trust Tesco to provide unverified shopper numbers in an area that probably hasn't seen 3000 shoppers in 5 days ever, then it is you who is gullible and not those who believe the 90%+ opposition statistics.

    Lucy. (History Teacher, Bristol)

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  2. Thanks for your comment Lucy (History Teacher, Bristol). But I'd suggest you check out sales of the Sun in Liverpool.

    "Unique and interesting" to you means nothing more than pissed-up, hair-shirted students playing at sixth-form politics to me. You've probably met some, when you've been a History Teacher in Bristol. Anyway, balls to the economics - this is about childish stone throwing twats and self-righteous squattors. Two sets of people who can sod right off.

    Obviously it would be better for everyone involved for Stokes Croft to remain ungentrified, just so that the great middle-class panjandrums can come down and tell the poor little local people that actually they shouldn't be buying their food at Tesco, but should just pop along the organic butcher next door.

    Webby (Unsympathetic Bastard, Balham)

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  3. I believe their "90%" statistic comes from a straw poll on twitter...

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  4. FWIW, we have plenty of past stokes coverage if you are in need of a better feel for the area.

    In This article, telepathic heights is to the left, the tesco is to the right behind the driving school car parked in the double yellow lined bike lane. Your dream of a cultural quarter is, well, overoptimistic, especially about the girls. However, it backs onto St Pauls, and judging by the reports, that area got involved too.

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  5. Hey, Lucy,

    I pay your wages.

    Now shut the fuck up.

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  6. Lucy (History teacher Bristol),

    Why would Tesco subsidise a shop running at a loss?

    Even if they did, why would it matter if no one was using it?

    I believe 3,000 people used the shop, Tesco have absolutely no reason to lie and the number looks about right, it will no doubt increase following the publicity.

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  7. well written sir, though, polemic aside, it would be a shame if the ousting of the great unwashed resulted in a decline in the alternative culture.

    When driving through in my 4x4, on my way to collect my bonus from the bank, I quite like seeing the pretty pictures.

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  8. Big brand names like Tesco don't only want major sales at all their shops, but also market penetration and brand awareness. They also like to invest in all the real estate they can as an investment strategy. All these things add up to a tesco express being something the board members don't mind subsidising as long as it gives them an extra bit of shoving their brand down our throats and (if they own the land and / or building) an extra property in their investment portfolio.
    Suggesting that all branches need to make a profit isn't far off saying that all products need to make a profit. If you expect this to be the case, google "loss leader"

    "3,000 shoppers through the door" - means this number of people have supposedly been inside the shop, not necessarily that they have all parted with money while inside. A new shop will probably have a air few gawkers go round it to check it out

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  9. @Lucy

    "The result is an area where polls suggest that 93% of resident don't want the Tesco nevertheless gets landed with one"

    If this is the case then there yet remain perfectly legal and democratic means for preventing the store from opening - or continuing to operate - via your local council. I find it very odd that your council does not represent this alleged "93%" in this matter.

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  10. From living near the area for some time I can safely say that the Tesco has been completely unwanted by nearly all residents from the very beginning, including by many local council members. The riots are inevitable when the public are ignored.
    I actually found your argument rather ignorant. Its very easy to post a rant full of assumptions about a community of people from the safety of your computer when you have never been to the area, and then proceed to mock anyone who actually has specific knowledge about the area. Bravo.

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  11. this is hilarious. i live in the area and it's a bang on description.

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  12. If a poll revealed 93% of locals did not want the squat there, would the 'residents' quietly leave - pausing only to remove every trace of paint from the exterior?

    Of course not.

    I know it's wrong, but I like seeing these uppity, self righteous Chumbawumba listening tools get their skulls cracked.

    It's things like this that fuel a push to the far right. Like most worthy left wing causes, they actually achieve exactly the opposite of their stated intention.

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  13. I wish that your ignorance, xenophobia and general contempt for mankind enraged me but its so pervasive nowadays that a fairly large portion of sentimental dis-embedding is required simply to avoid emotional fatigue. Guess this amounts to not much more than a troll but it is true nonetheless.

    In fairness, I'm glad that chavs like you have learnt to use computers, at least you're on here venting your anger instead expressing it by beating on some old man or a fourteen year old. Now if we can just get you to read as well as write, maybe we can start mopping up the fundamentalist diaspora that drags a persistent weight on cultural ideology.

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  14. Hi Jamie - sorry, but I'm so stupid I didn't understand anything you wrote in your comment. Please can someone explain it to me - I'm busy attempting to walk upright.

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  15. Came here via Old Holborn, love the post, shame Lucy and Jamie don't. That she's a teacher is neither surprising anymore, daft bint. Jamie sounds as if he has done an OU Foundation Course and is eager to show off some new words he has learned. My first question on hearing the news was 'is it the St Pauls area? I'm glad to hear that some diversity was involved; well it has been a long hot 2 weeks and some young men's fancy turn to looting - it's OK it's cultural! Love your description of the white rastas juggling and the daisy into pube weaving girlies. Spot on! Whatever, there was no excuse for what happened there last night. It is a fucking disgrace!

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  16. Fantastic piece. The anarcho-cretins have been dribbling all over the internet in the last 24 hours about 'the system', 'police brutality' etc.

    The simple fact is that most people in the area have jobs, behave like adults and consider telepathetic heights to be a huge eye-sore.

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  17. I don't like layabout squatters any more than you do but that doesn't excuse the idiot plod trying to clear a house where there has already been trouble on a warm night immediately before a bank holiday. In a 'cultural quarter' with a tradition of rioting. And I bet all that stuff about the squatters having 'possible material for making petrol bombs' turns out to be made up by Superintendent Pinocchio after it all went pear-shaped, if anybody bothers to investigate.

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  18. "...your ignorance, xenophobia and general contempt for mankind enraged me..."

    "...In fairness, I'm glad that chavs like you..."


    Beyond satire. Pitiful little Philosophy student in dire need of a shoeing.

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  19. As a local it's quite funny to hear all this nonsense about an former comedy club being turned into a Tesco.

    There probably is quite a legitimate question as to why Tesco and other supermarkets want to saturate the market with little shops, world domination (little finger in mouth Dr Evil style). Fair enough some of the community were against it, but not all and the figures bandied about are just nonsense.

    The area is quite laid back and there are mixture of different people, lots of students and even more who haven't realised that they left art school years ago. Don't want Tesco don't shop there!!

    I went in the store on the day of the "Riot" and there was lots of stuff reduced. On my way out of the store, a protester shouted at my back "slave to tesco".

    However linking the riots with the supermarket is nonsensical, I don't doubt there were petrol bombs in the squat and the Police quite legitimately raided the property. The tactics after that were questionable, I was suffering from a cold but could not sleep due to the noise of the two helicopters overhead. I was tempted to get up and have a look as there was no chance of getting any sleep. However linking the violence to Tesco is foolish, closing one of the main bar lined thoroughfares into Bristol on the start of a long bank holiday weekend is likely to cause friction.

    Unfortunately now the rather chilled and improving area of Stokes Croft has been tarnished by alcohol fuelled thuggery, not protest nonsense.

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  20. "... we can start mopping up the fundamentalist diaspora that drags a persistent weight on cultural ideology."

    Damn, if only Lucy had been an English teacher, she might have been able to explain what the hell this means to us...

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  21. "I don't like layabout squatters any more than you do but that doesn't excuse the idiot plod trying to clear a house where there has already been trouble on a warm night immediately before a bank holiday."

    Tell me, when do you think is the best time to go in and arrest people? I mean, logic tells me it's when they are least expecting it. And so, this is the perfect time!

    "In a 'cultural quarter' with a tradition of rioting."

    Perhaps it's time that 'culture' was brought firmly to heel, then, for the benefit of the law-abiding residents?

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  22. "... we can start mopping up the fundamentalist diaspora that drags a persistent weight on cultural ideology."

    If you actually break this comment down, word by word, in an attempt to discover its meaning you find it actually means nothing at all.

    Idiot.

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  23. Well, it might mean something to a BNP member criticising the ethnic mix of the area, but I doubt that that is where Jamie is coming from. Next time, use words you understand.

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  24. Ben Baber - Bristol resident25 April 2011 at 22:18

    I lived 500 yards from stokes croft for several years.
    I've already posted this comment on a related thread but I think it may be of some enlightenment to some of you.
    Also, regardless of who 'started it'. Attacking police officers with swords has no place in a civilised country.
    Anyway.. here's my two pennies worth, enjoy!

    Ben Baber says:
    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    25/04/2011 at 10:03 pm

    The thing to note here is that THERE ARE NO LOCAL SHOPS IN THIS AREA . The reason for this, no-one in their right mind goes there because it’s filled with scum like these protesters. They do not and should not have a say as they are squatters, they don’t pay council tax, they don’t contribute to society. There is a cycle shop next door which would only benefit by having a Tesco next door to it, the rest of the surrounding buildings are either emtpy units or bars, oh and there are 2 ‘newsagents’ who make you feel as unwelcome as possible because they are blatant fronts for organised crime. There is also a thriving comedy club opposite which kicks out late and who’s customers would be glad of somewhere safe to shop on the way home.

    In contrast, Gloucester Road (which is the same road (A38), only 1 mile up) has 5 supermarkets within a 2 mile stretch. Dotted around these supermarkets are 3 greengrocers, 4 butchers and several independent newsagents – all successful. On the same note, there are also 7 chain pubs yet countless independent bars are brimming every day and night of the year come rain or shine.
    If big business is so damaging, how then do we explain why Gloucester Road is the second busiest high street in Bristol after Stapleton Road?
    The answer, the area is populated by self-respecting intelligent citizens of all ages creeds and backgrounds who understand that everyone has a right to run a business and that competition is both necessary and right.

    Bristol must unite to stop this scourge on our society and if the police cannot stop it then the people of our proud city must take decisive action to see off these idiots before they destroy any more of our streets.

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  25. Stokes Croft Resident27 April 2011 at 15:35

    Well said Ben!

    Also, the 90% figure is complete nonsense as having lived in the area for a few years now, I nor any of my neighbours have ever been asked to contribute to any poll about Tescos. As it happens, we all say a big fat YES to Tescos and have our fingers crossed that it reopens rather than just becoming yet another boarded up shop.

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  26. "a fairly large portion of sentimental dis-embedding is required simply to avoid emotional fatigue"

    Jamie, please leave discussion of your wanking addiction out of this debate, it's not appropriate.

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  27. @Jamie

    "In fairness, I'm glad that chavs like you have learnt to use computers, at least you're on here venting your anger instead expressing it by beating on some old man or a fourteen year old."

    Classic - you rail against what you consider to be bigotry by displaying your own stunning bigotry.

    And as to the rest of your post - have you been at the post-modern essay generator again?

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  28. "the riot was inevitable". Eh? What the fuck? A shop opens in an English city, opposed by the usual suspects, and so a riot is inevitable?

    A riot was only inevitable because this is how the Far Left behave. Nornal people DO NOT riot about things like this. It says something about tbe extent to which our culture has degraded that statements like yours are treated as plausible in the establishment media such as the BBC.

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  29. Just been to the Tesco by my office. I purchased four breaded Cod fillets (North Atlantic deep trawl), a packet of "Healthy Living" wraps and two bags of rocket and watercress salad. It all came to just under £5.00. I would happily tussle with any jobless hippy to protect that kind of value. Let me know when they try it again.

    Lucy, you have shamed yourself.

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  30. The first assumption I'd like to address in your "terribly blinkered and close-minded" article is that assumption that residents of Telepathic Heights were involved in the No Tesco protests. Where did you get this information from? Did you interview anybody? Or did you just make it up? We were facing eviction soon after the Tesco opened, this was a co-incidence. We resisted eviction, this drew attention to to the building. If you knew anything about us you'd realise that there is a diversity of opinion about the Tesco store within the building. Also, there is a huge diversity of ways of living within the squatting community. While one person you quote opposes a 9 to 5 job, this is one person's opinion, he is not our representative. I know plenty of squatters that do work and are active in many other ways. I for one have worked in many factories and kitchens, your post condescendingly assumes that were are all Trustafarians with rich parents and drink herbal tea and eat lentils. You are simply plucking ideas out of the sky. As an ex-resident of Telepathic Heights I can say that have struggled in my life and I have known hardship. Some of us at Telepathic do work. I do not make assumptions about you because I have never met you. How can you possibly know what I am like without ever meeting me? Or ever visting this area?
    I just want to look at few of your assumptions, your post is riddled with them:

    "So here's a tip for the illegal residents of Telepathic Heights." --- Squatting isn't illegal, we were never doing anything illegal by living in a building that would have otherwise been left derelict and empty, the building has been squatted intermittently for over 6 years. The council or the owner haven't been interested in it until very recently. We realise that we would have to leave, we resisted eviction because of what the building represents to so many people in this area.

    "Although - given they're so telepathic - they'll probably already know it. If you don't want to feed the beast, don't buy your groceries there. It's Tele-pathetically simple." --- Hmmm... It would appear that you think we the residents had something to with the graffiti or the choice of name for the building. The graffiti was done by The Burning Candy crew prior to us squatting the building. I happen to like it, you clealy don't. This is entirely subject of course.
    Also, I think the No Tesco campaign wasn't simply just about one store opening in Stokes Croft. It was more of what it symbolises. The global domination of Tesco opening stores everywhere, even where they are not wanted. It would be difficult to take on the global giant of Tesco, but by opposing one store the people of Stokes Croft opened up a nationwide debate about a corporate dominated economy. The No Tesco campaign did get a lot of support from passers by who were told beep their horns if they opposed Tesco, horns were beeping all day.
    And another thing, we are not all "self-professed anarchists" as you claim. Local people with no interest in Tescos or Telepathic got involved in this, because they saw how heavy handed the police were and become inspired fight against it. Peaceful protest had failed, people were angered that the local council wouldn't listen. I was at Telepathic Heights when the police came, roughly 100 riot police came. They hung around for ages afterwards, amost like they were waiting for trouble. They were the only who were armoured and dressed for a fight. The mindless violence is of the police is often overlooked, many innocent bystanders were hit including two MPs. The mindless bullying of these thugs is encouraged by ignorant, patronising articles like this one.

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  31. What where'd my post go

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  32. Right I see, see your only allowing stuff that supports your argument, very clever.

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  33. They are back to front because the first one got deleted. I'm sure you can work it out. I'll keep posting I have it all saved

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  34. Wow freedom of speech!!!!!!!!!
    like it!

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  35. Sorry about my four posts(30th April,14:43-17:04) immediately above, I'm a complete fuckwit. It's just that I feel so lonely that it really hurts me when my postywosties don't get put on, I feel like I'm being ignored.That's why I save them all.Like a cunt.

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  36. Is that the best you can do? Delete my my posts and then make some immature remarks, pretending to be me. Why can't you argue against my points, I'd be interested to hear a your counter argument.

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  37. wrong way round, first one got deleted.

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  38. OK, I've written once before and my post got deleted, that's really opening up an intelligent debate isn't it? If you disagreed with me why didn't you use reason to pull my argument apart?

    Right, I'll have to write it all again from memory, this time I'll copy and paste it and save it in my emails.

    I would like to address some some the assumptions in your "terribly blinkered and close-minded" article. Firstly, the false assumption that the residents of Telepathic Heights were actively involved in the No Tesco protest or in some involved in the runnning of the protests. As an ex-residednt of Telepathic I can assure that there is much diversity of opinion about Tesco inside the building as there is on the streets of Bristol. The residents of Telepathic Heights are in no way unanimous in their opinions about the store opening. Where do you get your information from? Did you do any interviews? Or did you just make it up?

    Also, you quoted one "git" saying that was oppossed to getting a 9 to 5 job, this is one persons opinion, he is not our representative. Besides, how do you know he isn't supporting himself in some other way like self sufficiency or self-employment and resents the traditional 9 to 5 existence.
    You pointed out that the "shithead" (your words) likes to sit around playing a tin whistle and eating lentils. This is another example of you plucking ideas out the sky with nothing to back it up. Besides which, why do you have such contempt for people who want to eat healthily? What's your diet like?

    There as many ways of life in the squatting community as there are in people live in rented accommodation. In my experience a lot of squatters do work 9 to 5 jobs, and are active in many other ways, just visit some of the squatted social centres that promote and participate in many activities. Some of the residents of Telepathic Heights worked 9 to 5, one worked as an industrial roofer but is currently unemployed, another a chef, another studied English and taught English abroad. Of course some squatters are lazy, but this problem is universal I think. You make assumptions about me and my friends without ever meeting us. I do not claim to know anything about you because I have never met you. Why can't you give us the same respect?

    I'd like to address just a few of the assumptions that your post is so riddled with:

    "So here's a tip for the illegal residents of Telepathic Heights."

    We were not illegal residents, squatting isn't illegal (yet). There was nothing illegal about occupying an otherwise derelict and empty building. The building has been squatted intermittently for over 6 years. Neither the council or the owner was interested in it until very recently. The owner had lost interest and has done nothing with the building. Would you rather that the building remain empty while people are homeless? We realised that we would have to leave, we resisted eviction because of what the building means to a lot of people locally.

    Continued in next post (to many words)

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  39. (continued)

    "Although - given they're so telepathic - they'll probably already know it. If you don't want to feed the beast, don't buy your groceries there. It's Tele-pathetically simple."

    Hmmmm... It would appear that you think that we had something to do with the graffiti or the choice of name. The graffiti was done by the Burning Candy crew, prior to us squatting it. I happen to like it and so do a lot of people in the area, you clearly don't. This is a matter of personal taste and is entirely subjective of course, but Stokes Croft is covered with graffiti, people are attracted to this area because of it. Why would you live in Stokes Croft if you didn't like graffiti? It only suddenly became an "eye sore" when Tescos was due to open.
    Also, there's more to it than one store opening. It is really about what the one store symbolises locally, nationally and internationally. It is setting an example opening up a debate about Tesco's global dominance squashing local economies and exploiting workers. Peaceful protest wasn't working, the local council refused to listen. Heard lot of cars beeping from Telepathic Heights, who were asked to beep in support of the protests.

    "They're the people who didn't get to go to university, unlike you and Leaf and Tigerlily."
    This is deeply deeply patronising. Why do you assume that we are Trustafarians with rich parents? This certainly isn't where I've come from. I've known hardship and have worked many menial jobs. I am self employed and I have worked hard to get what I've got.
    I would also like to point out that we are not all "self professed anarchists", ordinary people with no interest in Tesco or Telepathic got inadvertently involved, many people were hit randomly by the police who were just on night out so felt compelled to fight back. No Tescos protesters (not all of whom label themselves anarchists.) were angered that there peaceful protest had been completely ignored. By coincidence the police came round to Telepathic days after the Tescos opened on the suspicion of petrol bombs. The police were "disproportionate in their response" as you rightly point out.There were loads of them,and for what? They all plied in and kicked us out only to leave the door open for us to go back in. They hung around for ages afterwards. Hours passed before the first trouble. It was as if they wanted something to kick off.

    Hey, the second draft was better, nice one. If you think I'm wrong. Please use reason and logic to disprove my points. Don't just censor me.

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  40. Hey, Anonymous.

    Yes you, the squattor.

    I just saw that you kept whining that your posts were being deleted. Well it wasn't by me - there's some sort of built-in Blogger spam filter, and - who'd have thought it? - your dribbling was trapped by that. Funnily enough, I don't check the spam folder every day. But now I have, and I've posted two of them which seemed to go together in the right order.

    Either way, you shouldn't flatter yourself that I was censoring your comments. I don't give a toss what you think, the facts, nor supermarkets. I just wanted to write something amusing, inflamatory, annoying and completely uninformed - I simply don't care about you, your life nor your opposition to supermarkets. My research was 3 minutes looking at pretty pictures via Twitter.

    That and watching the video of a "concerned local resident" throwing a slab of concrete from a roof onto a policeman.

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  41. Hello it's me anonymous,the squatter. Ok, I hadn't realised that. I'm glad my post are still there. I apologise for my whining. Bye bye

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  42. "I've known hardship and have worked many menial jobs."

    Working during the holidays does not count; nor does working your way round Southern Hemisphere during your gap year.

    You absolute clown.

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  43. I am a total wanker. Can I join in?

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