Now it's all very well protesting against environmental damange. In fact, that's excellent. Could you do a little protest for me, whilst you're there? Because I'm too busy watching TV or playing Red Dead Redemption or staring blankly at a wall. Or writing this. I don't really care what the environmental damage in question is. It's the thought that counts, so whether it's the ice caps or the Gulf of Mexico or whales, just go ahead and put my name down, in absentia.
There's a protest going on, right now, infact. To which I may well lend my name, just so long as I don't have to do anything. The Guardian reports that mining company Vedanta is planning to dig a big old mine in a special bit of India to get their hands on some Bauxite. I'm not sure what you use Bauxite for. It might well be essential for modern life. But obviously planting a whacking great mine on sacred land is likely to ruffle some feathers. I'd be pretty annoyed if they did it in Balham - it's bad enough that Sainsbury's is closed for the next fortnight.
And so the environmental people gathered outside a meeting of the company to bitch and shriek, which is entirely worthy and this is in no way meant to belittle their effort. Which I'm sure comes with fine intentions and a fine selection of skin complaints, halitosis and free range mung beans.
But unfortunately the Grauniad also includes a photo of some of the beard and sandal wearers. And now, I'm distancing myself from the cause.
If I was from this sacred slice of India, I might be pretty pissed off - if I wasn't busy starving to death - that the entire issue has been trivialised by a couple of wankers who think that a suitable and proportionate way to protest is to paint themselves blue so that they look like a couple of tree-dwelling earth gods/godesses from popular yet utterly banal tede-fest, Avatar. I'd be righteously annoyed to be called the "Real Avatar tribe" by this pair, the patronising gap year gits. I'm assuming they gibbered at the shareholders in Na'vi, then rushed home on their dragon to inter-twine the fronds growing down the back of their necks.
And if that wasn't enough, Bianca Jagger was generously on hand to deliver an impassioned plea on behalf of the local population. Who must be delighted that their cause is being fought by: (a) the former wife of an elderly tortoise and (b) a couple of berks painted blue.